For months now this ad has been reliably showing up on my Facebook profile.
Who is that supposed to be a cartoon of? It looks to me vaguely like Edgar Allen Poe.
Author: Eugene Fischer
There is an interesting article on The Language Log about a particular type of misnegation that, until it was presented to me in a context that said, “this is wrong,” I was unable to see the problem with. It has to do with phrases of the type No NOUN is too ADJECTIVE to VERB. For example, “No detail is too small to escape notice.” My brain naturally parses this to mean that everything will be noticed, but it actually says that nothing will be noticed. Reading this article makes me want to scrape the rust off my knowledge of regular expressions and see if I’ve written any stories that have this mistake.
A more general note about linguistics: I like reading The Language Log and linguistic analyses in general, but every time I’ve tried to actually study linguistics I’ve bounced off the surface of the subject. Something about the foundational knowledge of the study bores me to tears, for no reason I can satisfactorily explain. This is useful to me, though, when people tell me that they don’t like physics because it has too much math. I can think to myself, “crazy as that sounds, it is probably analogous to how I feel about linguistics.” (I still try periodically. I secretly hold out hope that some day I will stumble upon a book that makes the foundational ideas of linguistics accessible to me. And then I will be able to tell people who don’t like physics that they are objectively wrong. Huzzah!)
Because I miss her, I wish I’d learned of her work years earlier than I did, and because Molly Ivins’s insights in 2004 are still more relevant than what most commentators who are actually alive have to say.
(Video is about half prepared talk, half Q&A, and filled with both the brilliantly funny and the stunningly prescient. Her comments about how the internet will change the political system speak directly to the events of the 2008 election.)
“A man is he who pisses against a wall!”
“That’s where we’re heading in this country, my friends…. We got a buncha pastors who pee sitting down. We got a president of the United States who probably pees sitting down. We got a buncha preachers and leaders who don’t stand up and piss against a wall like a man!”
I particularly enjoy the Hunting-of-the-Snark-esque numerology subtext. 5 = death. 6 = man. 7 = completion. He doesn’t mention it, but I think 8 = effeminate democrats who let their dicks dangle and elect Nancy Pelosi; 9 = homosexuality is a sin; 10 = good old-fashioned god-fearing MEN who hold their penises firmly in strong calloused hands as they piss against the goshdarned wall! Yes!
Days 28 through 31 of my grandmother’s 1936 trip to Europe, covering her time spent in Paris. (Previously: Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.)
Paris, Tuesday July 21, 1936
We left Brussels this morning at eight for a short train ride to Paris. Our first view of Paris was the Eiffel Tower which we saw while we were still some miles out. After we were settled in our hotel we started on a sight seeing tour of the city. Our first stop was Madeline church which is quite unusual because instead of being built in the shape of a cross it was built in a square. It was originally a victory hall. From here we passed the Opera House, the Place de la Concorde, the Bois de Bologne, the Louvre and some of the famous streets. We stopped to visit Notre Dame Cathedral which certainly is a beautiful place. The rose windows and the famous alter where so many of the kings have prayed for victory were very interesting to us all. Our next stop was Napoleon’s tomb. It is a perfectly beautiful place. The light is all a pale blue which comes from the plain blue stain glass windows. To look at the tomb you go to a railing and look over the side and below is this huge marble coffin that rises about 20ft from the ground. It is from this tomb that John Paul Jones’s is copied. In a little chapel just to the side of the coffin are placed his hat and sword. From here we drove around to where the Trocadero used to be and on this sight they are now building the buildings for the fair of 1937. Then over to the left bank to get a glance at the book and picture stalls and then back to the hotel for dinner. This evening we started out for the Cafe de la Paix and after going in the wrong direction for some time we finally were aided by a kind Englishman and arrived there a little bit soaked but anxious to see all the sights that pass by there.
All the really famous stuff of Paris is, of course, still there, and can be easily researched. Plugging proper nouns into Google, the most interesting new thing I learned was that restaurant,Cafe de la Paix, was designed by Charles Garnier.
Paris, Wednesday July 22nd [1936]
Spent most of the morning getting my hair washed and a manicure then to the American Express office for some money and I again felt ready to conquer the world. This afternoon we went to Versailles, which is a very beautiful place surrounded by lovely artificial gardens, beautiful statues and fountains. The palace itself is very ornately decorated inside & although there is no furniture left at all one gets a grand idea of the luxury and grandeur that the kings of France lived in. We saw the famous mirrored galleries where the Versailles treaty was signed and the room from which Marie Antoinette escaped during the Revolution. This evening we went on a tour of the night clubs of Paris. We left our hotel about nine and went to Montmartre where we got a beautiful view of the city of Paris with all of its lights. Montmartre itself was very interesting with old houses and many outdoor cafes. From here we went to an African mosque where we had after dinner coffee, then to an Apache cafe which was most interesting. Here we had wine and watched the street bums dancing. Our next stop was the Bal Tabarin where we had champagne and watched a very good real French nude floor show. Some of the Annapolis boys were there and so we had an opportunity to dance. Although this wasn’t much of a thrill as the floors were just as crowded as those at home. Home at 2 A.M. & finally to bed about 3.
“Have you transcribed any more of grandma’s journal?” my mother asks me. “I haven’t seen anything new go up on your website in a while.”
“A little more,” I say.
“What is she up to next?”
“Well, in the last one I transcribed, grandma went to a nudie show and danced with some Navy boys.”
“….”
Paris, Thursday July 23rd 1936
After an early breakfast we went shopping in the Galeries Lafayette one of the large department stores of Paris. It was anything but an impressive place and we found the prices terrifically high. From here we took a cab to the Louvre and then as it was too early to go in on one of the tours we walked up and down the Rue de Rivoli and finally ended up at Rumplemeyers for lunch. We were really in search of a cheap restaurant but as we had heard so much about this place decided to go in regardless & we paid plenty to. Afterwards we went thru the Louvre & then back to the hotel just about ready to die we were so tired. This evening Jo & Kay & Charlotte decided to go to see the town & the did by ending up in a place some taxi driver took them. They got a bill for over 200 francs ($20) for drinks; but as they didn’t have the money they talked the proprietors into a much lower price.
Paris Friday July 24th [1936]
We left for Fontainebleau at 10:00 an interesting drive thru the poorer districts of Paris. It was really lots of fun seeing the children running around the streets all dressed in aprons, boys and girls alike & the people carrying loaves of bread unwrapped under their arms. The forest near the hotel is supposed to be the most beautiful in France & from what we’ve seen I agree with the critics. It has the appearance of a beautiful piece of green lace. The castle itself is furnished just as it was during the times of Frances 2 and Napoleon. It is very ornate but has beautiful tapestries, hangings, pictures & exquisite pieces of Stone China. By using your imagination you can really see the type of people that occupied this place. We started back in the same old bus which broke down half way home. We were transferred to another and arrived just a few minutes later than we had expected. This noon we had a terrible lunch of what we decided afterwards was horse meat. Out first & I hope last. After an evening of packin we started out about 11 o’clock for Mont Parnasse the artists’ quarter of Paris. Sylvia Sopolitz a new acquaintance who spoke French very well took charge of the party. We rode 5 metros before we reached our destination champagne at the “Dome” amidst artists, tourists, Arabs selling furs and other vendors. Pastry and coffee at the “Cupole” a nearby cafe. Then home 7 in a cab having first bargained with the cab driver for a fare we were willing to pay.
My best guess, from minimal research, is that the “Dome” refers to Le Dome Cafe.
And it was quite nice there. I went to my first World Fantasy convention, got to spend time with many friends, old and new, and see some very beautiful things. It was a long trip, and I was more invested in living in the moment than noting down what I was doing, so I don’t even know if I can even retrieve from jumbled memory enough information to put together something like a con report. But I had a fabulous time. The regular irregular blog service will now resume.
“In some crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose.”
–J. Robert Oppenheimer, 1947
People interested in the ongoing discussion about the future of short fiction may be interested in the most recent episode of The Sofanauts. The Sofanauts is usually a show about current events in the SF field, but this week’s episode is a special with writers Jeff Vandermeer and Jeremy Tolbert and Asimov’s editors Sheila Williams and Brian Bieniowski, discussing the state of Asimov’s in particular and the print markets for short SF in general. Among the interesting things on the program is an explanation for why the seemingly precipitous decline in subscriber numbers over the last couple of decades, commented on by Warren Ellis and others, is a misleading artifact of a changed marketing model. (I’d actually like even more detail on what the old model was and how it contributed to inflated numbers.) Also, Sheila informs that subscriber numbers have risen 10% in the last year, lead by electronic subscriptions through the Kindle. Jeff and Jeremy take Brian and Sheila to task for the state of Asimov’s internet presence, and Sheila reveals some behind-the-scenes information about the contraints that come with being part of a larger organization. A very interesting 90 minutes for people following the “are the magazines doomed or aren’t they?” debate.
It’s kind of appropriate that I’ve stayed in bed sick all day. Today is the 1-year anniversary of one of the most astoundingly terrible days I’ve ever had. I know, because it was so awful that the last thing I did before I went to bed that night was post about it on Facebook, for fear I would never believe it really happened otherwise. Let’s revisit one of the worst days I ever recorded for the internet. It will be fun!
Oct. 22 [2008]: Retrospective Itinerary
• Wake up. (around 12:00 noon.)
• Mess around on Facebook.
• Feel mild pain in right kidney.
• Take a shower.
• Feel intense pain in right kidney.
• Call girlfriend to say you won’t be able to take her to her doctor’s appointment, because you seem to have a kidney stone.
• Feel excruciating pain in right kidney.
• Call mother to take you to emergency room, then struggle into random clothing (nicest slacks, moth-eaten undershirt, flip flops).
• Feel utterly ludicrous agony in right kidney.
• Lie on the ground in emergency room parking lot until humanoid figure brings you a wheelchair.
• Fall out of wheelchair and lie on the floor under triage nurse’s desk.
• Spend a quarter of an hour writhing in pain in phlebotomist’s office, waiting for phlebotomist to arrive. Occasionally mutter “someone please help me.”
• Have blood drawn.
• Be unable to produce a urine sample.
• Get left in wheelchair blocking the doorway to the hospital while a room is prepared for you. Start to cry, just a little.
• Get admitted and taken to room. Put on gown.
• Just for fun, have another nurse draw several more vials of blood. (These will be declared unneeded and thrown in the trash a little while later.)
• Receive and IV and a saline drip.
• Receive an injection of morphine.
• Realize that morphine is love.
• Notice that girlfriend has arrived. She seems unwell.
• Pass kidney stone.
• Ask mother to take girlfriend to her doctor’s appointment. Explain that you will be fine, because your veins are full of love.
• Doze. Get IV removed. Get dressed. Sign discharge papers. Call a taxi to take you home.
• Receive call from mother, informing you that girlfriend’s doctor sent her to the emergency room.
• Have taxi take you across town to other hospital.
• Comfort girlfriend while she waits many hours.
• Comfort girlfriend while clumsy nurse awkwardly tries to plant an IV.
• Comfort girlfriend while she waits for injection of anti-nausea medication to take effect (Note: it never will; this medication is ineffective for her.)
• Wait in room while girlfriend is taken to get a CT scan of her head, to see if her weeks-long, increasingly severe headache is potentially fatal.
• Comfort girlfriend while waiting many more hours for results of scan. Notice that girlfriend’s discomfort does not seem at all lessened, despite the intravenous medications that she has received.
• Gently browbeat nurse into administering different medications. Watch tension finally melt from girlfriend’s face.
• Learn that CT scan was normal. Get discharged from hospital.
• Fill everybody’s prescriptions.
• Have mother take us home. Take girlfriend inside to put her to bed.
• Grab an empty trashcan and catch girlfriends third, fourth, and fifth bouts of vomiting, while trying not to stand in the first and second.
• Put girlfriend to bed.
• Drive to Wal-Mart to buy a mop.
• Return home. Fantasize about killing girlfriend’s cat for having tracked through the vomit.
• Mop up vomit.
• Mess around on Facebook.
• Go to bed. ( Around 3:20 in the morning.)
This occasionally now gets referenced in family lore as the Double Hospital Incident. Compared to this time a year ago, I have to say I’m feeling pretty good!